In coaching the WHAT questions is always preferable to the WHY question.
No, you won’t be banned from coaching forever if you start your questions with WHY but your coaching will be more effective and efficient.
For example:
Why were you late to the call?
Vs
What had you calling late to our session?
The first implies judgement, encourages rationalizing or defensiveness and in coaching lingo – more of the story ie traffic was horrible, a friend called right before I was due to leave, etc.
The second is an open invitation and encourages the client to think beyond the reasons to a more reflective response, ie I didn’t leave enough time for traffic, I just couldn’t assert myself and reschedule my friend’s call.
Even better the WHAT question may just get you a response that speaks to the heart of what is going on for the client such as “I guess I was reluctant to talk to you today as I didn’t complete my goals since out last session.”
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