YES, YOU CAN MAKE SUGGESTIONS IN COACHING

And no, it’s not leading, advising or grabbing the agenda. Most people have established a framework around their own thoughts and actions that they are rarely aware of. When they come to coaching, we often see evidence of this as if they are saying, “This is all that is possible.”

A coach skilled in offering suggestions and insights can point out subtle alternatives that spark new ways of thinking that create new possibilities. These serve as catalysts that shift a limiting perspective to one that supports the client’s true desires and goals.  For example, the client may try approaches or actions they haven’t tried before or asks for help and support.

Suggestion vs Advice

Advice and suggestions are two words in the English language that are often confused. Strictly speaking, they are slightly different. A suggestion is something to be considered while advice is a judgement of what the ‘right’ thing to do.

With this definition in mind, the intent of ICF Competencies Coaching Presence and Direct Communication becomes clearer:

Partners with the client by offering assessments or suggestions as an invitation for the client to consider without any attachment to the client’s outcome or response.

Hears and respects the client’s frame of reference and thinking and, as appropriate, shares his/her own thinking and frame of reference without attachment.

The new PCC markers (effective January 2021) for Evoking Awareness include:

Coach shares — with no attachment — observations, intuitions, comments, thoughts or feelings, and invites the client’s exploration through verbal or tonal invitation.

Coaches share their observations to draw out new possibilities and to bring the other person outside of the framework they have unconsciously established.

Timing of Suggestions

People may not willingly answer or accept a ‘what if…’ question if it feels forced on them. And if your client should ask you, “What should I do?” a coach should resist immediately making a suggestion as it can be more like advice than something to consider. In this case, the following questions may leverage the client’s own resourcefulness. Consider these suggestions (LOL):

• Remind them that they have demonstrated confidence in making such decisions in the past
• Share stories to offer a different perspective or to assure them they are not alone
• Ask, What do you think I would do? Or “What has you asking me about a solution for you?”
• Ask them “What would a wise person do?” Or “What would a person you admire do?”

Of course, in coaching, it’s best to give the client generous time to think. When you feel that the client needs a new perspective, or when they strongly desire one, this is can be an effective time to offer suggestions.

Don’t Go Yet

1. Give the other person the right to choose “yes” or “no”
   Presenting your ideas without giving the other person the right to choose is not making a suggestion – it’s giving instruction or order. Even if the suggestion doesn’t resonate with the client the conversation, this gives you clues as to what might move them forward.
2. Ask permission
   The other person may be willing to listen if you first ask, “Is it okay if I make a suggestion?” Of course, the other person has the choice not to listen to the suggestion.
3. Make Suggestions clear, concise and easy to visualize
   It might be difficult for the client to imagine what they should do if the suggestion is vague or long-winded or too complex.
4. Use the 3^rd person.
   Avoid the word ‘you’. Instead consider prefacing your suggestion with less defence-provoking language, such as, “Another client used this strategy before, what do you think?” or going even further and talking about consequences such as, “Sounds like that may lead to …what if you considered this?” This might make it easier for the other person to imagine what might happen.

Most importantly, our clients get to choose whether or not to accept a suggestion. The coach must hold it lightly and release any attachment to being right or pushing for a specific outcome.